Dracula's Ball 2006, self portrait

Intresting..... i will defenatly have to look into this more

So as many of you know i suffer from Narcolepsy... and have been on medication to control it for...8 years now. about the time I was diagnosed my Dr at the time had sugested that i might be suffering from Fibromyalga, or CFS - but she suspected the Fibromyalgia because of the pain. But first she had to rule out other issues - so when the sleep study came back as having narcolepsy...they stoped looking... and while i think she might have continued the search for answers - right at that time my DR moved and i had to get a new one...who wasent as open minded and unwilling to see if their were other things wrong also.

Today i found this article - this drug is used to treat Narcolepsy ( its not the one i'm on however) and is being tested - and proving that its good at helping relive the pain and fatigue of Fibromyalgia.

I think this is somthing i will have to bring up with my Dr...and hope that i can find a DR that actualy listens to me.

heart, lock, collar

new sister soon?

got an email from my brother today that he was heading to the pub with a fireplace (in Clare - he's in irieland right now) and was all nervious and butterflys. Since that email was at 4.30 this aftrnoon...i think its likely that by now I have a new sister to be :)

i'm waiting for photos of the ring...i want to see it!
Dracula's Ball 2006, self portrait

Well the down side is now i have to try and pack all my stuff...

... oh and find a new apt. :p

Starting week after next I am transfering to be ast. manager in the studio in salem NH. So that will be intresting and fun for many reasons.

However...it means I need to find an apartment north of Boston... or prefrably in the very south part of NH. So.....anyone who may have any pointers or sugestions for whare to look etc?

...and any local volentiers to help me pack and move would be most welcome :p
heart, lock, collar


For the longest time ..it was never worth the risk. I could see the end before the begining even realy began.

for the first time...i dont see an ending.... and its risky.... oh so risky and scary as hell. because caught up and entangld.... unseen the fall would be all the worse if it were to come.

But thats whats its all about right? you find that witch you'd risk loosing all to have... and if it should end.... it was worth to have for the breif time you did.

and having found that.... and wishing to persue it further.... you are willing make changes in your life to make persuing the posabilities easer....

I am both scared, nervious ...and excited.... and yet it feels like the right thing to do..... spur of the moment thought the decision may seem.

We shall see what the outcome of Tuesday is.
heart, lock, collar


Its funny how little things creep up on you.
When you go from being perfectly content to sleep alone...prefer it even. To liking the fact that theirs someone to snuggle up to...even if its just infrequently. To the bed feeling empty when their not with you......

... and then one day you sudenly realize that it dosent just feel empty....but wrong....like something (someone) important is missing.
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heart, lock, collar

you know...people can be so horable.

Somehow a reporter found out about the attempt to rescue the bunnies...and that they didn't make it..and the comments of people on the news site are just horrible.....
you think I'm not beating my self up for not taking them?
We had no idea... we gave them plenty of food and water and they are several feet of the ground.
We thought we'd be back the next day for heavens sake.
The sad thing is.... the water didn't get that high..... the current was so strong it flipped both cages.
By the time we knew it could potentially be so bad we weren't allowed any ware near the mall to try and rescue them..and we tried. 3 of us were on the phone constantly trying to reach the mall, police, fire dept anyone..... and were told 'its not a priority'

Its only because of pulling some strings that we were able to get in today to try and rescue them! The entire site is a biohazerd area.... everything is contaminated with raw sewage in addition to what ever else is usually in flood waters. no one is being let anyware near it.

Do those people really think I'm not heartbroken over the loss of Houdini, Fuzball, Alice and Gizmo? The little fluffy darlings that would hop into my lap and nuzzle my chin when i held them up to me?

never in a million years did we think it would be so very devastating. that the water would get so high inside the mall...or so strong as to flip their cages over and smash glass doors and display cases in some stores.
All day Tuesday and wed kept running trough my head ...if only i'd thought, or done this, or that..... if only we'd even thought that it would get so bad....
and maybe it is an attempt at making excuses..but i don't mean it to be... but we were panicking. Sean and I had just both had to abandon our cars to the flood.... both of which are still their!

its not like we didn't spare any thought for them...we did...gave them lots of food and water..... debated options..and came to to conclusion that they would be OK... and we were wrong.

And i despite the fact that rationally i know their no way anyone could have foreseen this....i still feel so very guilty .... and i will forever it feels like.

RIP Fuzball, Houdini, Alice and Gizmo....may the lady take you into her arms that you my hop free for eternity in the Fields of Elysium. I am so very sorry i failed you.
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Dracula's Ball 2006, self portrait

so lets recap today shall we?

up early to go to work...road flooded..took detour.... moved car @10am due to danger of flooding on that side of mall....
mall security comes at 10.30 to say were closing by 11.30
..at elevin go to find car..that i parked on area with no puddles!!! ...is up over the wheels in water.....
not moveable
..... not even pushable due to a wicked undertow that almost took me down walking in it. Sean tried to move his and got it backed out of his spot and it stalled out. We were told by police their to not even bother. The waters were so high they were setting of car alarms.

abandonded car at mall, along with Seans.

waded trough the waist high waters (toxic ewaters acording to the cop.... flooded out waste treetment plant up river, and all the oil and stuff from submerged cars - took a shower as soon as i got home) to get to a driavable Rd so coworkers mom could pick us up.
Called ins..its covered but have to wait to see total damage..and also to actualy have it towed to a shot to check it out. (i can however get a rental TTGs)

kept eye on news...find out that at 2.45pm the waters in the river that caused the flooding were at 17ft...... 6 ft higher than flood level.... and 2 feet higher than the record set to weeks ago. But its not stoped. Current expectation is for it to crest at 20 ft sometime tomorow (wed) morning before tapering off.... and receding back to the 17ft level by THURSDAY afternoon. so my poor car is stuck their..likely totaly underwater by now judging by photos of the surounding roads. I dont think she will survive this.

added to this...when we left at 11.3oam we were not expecting it to get so much worse... we thought the bunnies would be ok at the sudio..and hadent any way realy to transport them out or place to take or put them. their cage is 2 ft off the ground. but by late afternoon their was a few inches of water trough the whole mall. I dont think it will raise to 2 feet inside the studio but still i'm worryed..but no one is alowed near the mall even if they could make it their. so all we can do is call untill somone at the mall picks up and ask how high the waters are and hope.

then later this evening had to run around in the rain again for an hour trying to help the nabiour catch her pitbull that had gotten out the door. at least the power that had gone out was back by the time we cought him.

on the slightly houmerious note..the photo I sent of the flood to the local paper was put up... yes my car is one of those...heres the link: http://www.projo.com/membercontent/photos/photo.html?plckPhotoID=0520d033-37cd-4828-a4ed-40e992762d2e

after all the asorted car issues the last to weeks... I'm so done. Can it be May yet? (not april...cose thats in 2 days and i'll still be dealing with all this then.)

tea. bed.
since the mall is closed at least i wont have to be up so early right? so much for all the lovely overtime i was going to be making this week. i neeeded that...especaly now! Frack.
Dracula's Ball 2006, self portrait

but.... i dont want to grow up!

well... i did it. I sent in the paperwork for preaproval on a loan to buy a house...... eep! fingers crossed, knocking on wood, lighting a candle.... shall now go and have a minor panic attic..... am i realy ready to do this?

..... never thought i'd be doing it alone, makes it a little scaryer somehow :/
Dracula's Ball 2006, self portrait


So... much as i want to go to Birka... and get to see the many of you that are going.... I may not make it. The way i've been feeling the last few days make doing two 3+ hour drives in one day...unadvisable and unsafe for me to drive alone. So..... anyone south (ish) of Boston area want to carpool and daytrip up on Saterday?
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Dracula's Ball 2006, self portrait

(no subject)

is adrift on the storm tossed sea, windblown thoughts struggle to come to rest, elusive, fragmented, scattered jigsaw pulse pieces, struggle to find the patterns, pictures in an ill fitting frame, clouded visions glanced then gone, the path illusive in the mist.. that spill illusions at my feet, balloon strings dancing in the shadows, reaching out to find direction, the ribbons now slip trough my fingers...and i am cast adrift again.
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